BIG FAMILY MYTH 3 - INDIVIDUAL NEEDS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE MET IN A LARGE FAMILY!!
My 15 year old suggested this topic. He titled it something like "it's always a struggle for survival in a big family". I was BLESSED that he saw this as a myth because for years (8 years old - recently) he has seen a large family as a cross to bear (my words - not his). He's a loner....and had a hard time seeing the benefits of God placing him in a large family (he's number 4). We've shared over and over that God knew exactly what he NEEDED when He placed him in this family.....and that is the crux of debunking this myth. LOL My loner son NEEDED to be in a situation where a large degree of loving interaction is forced upon him. This is not comfortable for him, but he has learned much about various personalities that he would not have learned if he was born into a "typical family". He can stay home and is still forced to socialize. ::snort:: He has begun to see that his NEEDS are met in a large family.....but not necessarily everything he would consider a need is met. We are able to let him be a loner and yet he is still learning social skills and how to interact with the whole gamut of personality types. LOL
Obviously, I'm going to go after the definition of "needs". I disagree that all children NEED their own room, their own iPod, their own car, a closet full of name brand clothes, their own whatever.....
I believe that the creator of my children knows EXACTLY what their true needs are and that He would not place them in our family if we couldn't meet those needs. He would not place within my child a need that would cause us to go bankrupt or compromise our convictions to fulfill the child's need. When there is a conflict, we look to see what the true need is and if it is one we can meet - or should meet. This boils down to trust in God. Trust in His plan for our family. Trust in His knowledge, love, and care for each of our children.
A recent example is that I strongly felt that my senior son NEEDED his father home to help him sort through all the looming decisions in his life. I felt that he NEEDED his father to be here for the completion of his time as a child in our home. God saw something different. I trust that God knows what He is doing in my child's life.
That said....we try very hard to get to know each one of our children individually. We make way for each other. When our loner needs to be alone - we all give him space. We may go to the park and give him the option to stay home, he may go for a walk.....you get the picture. Jamin gets up early to write, we all stay off the computers until he's done. Josiah hibernates on his bed to read, we stay out of the room. It's give and take.... lessons that will hold them well in life. Most of us end up with a family or roommate later in life.
I ALWAYS take at least one child with me on any errand. This is not because I get lonely. ::snort:: This is because I can then spend time alone with that child and get to know what he is thinking about one on one.
We have often made it a goal to take one child out on a special date with Mike and I every other week. That obviously isn't happening at the moment. {g}
Most importantly, we pray and fast for our children. We ask for wisdom to know what needs we are to be partnering with God to meet, and we ask God to be sure the individual needs of each child is met.
We have found the above statement to be a myth. God has graciously met all our needs in a large family.
I acknowledge that sadly in some large families this is not a myth....however, in some families much smaller than ours this is not a myth. I believe it comes down to how completely we embrace our role as parents and how earnestly we contend for our children in prayer....regardless of family size. I've sadly seen a child of one lost in his family.....and I've seen a child in a family of 7 lost as well.....
Strive to be a mother/father who is INVOLVED with your children...who is intentionally mentoring your children and hearing from GOD what needs to be worked in to each child He has entrusted into your care.
My 15 year old suggested this topic. He titled it something like "it's always a struggle for survival in a big family". I was BLESSED that he saw this as a myth because for years (8 years old - recently) he has seen a large family as a cross to bear (my words - not his). He's a loner....and had a hard time seeing the benefits of God placing him in a large family (he's number 4). We've shared over and over that God knew exactly what he NEEDED when He placed him in this family.....and that is the crux of debunking this myth. LOL My loner son NEEDED to be in a situation where a large degree of loving interaction is forced upon him. This is not comfortable for him, but he has learned much about various personalities that he would not have learned if he was born into a "typical family". He can stay home and is still forced to socialize. ::snort:: He has begun to see that his NEEDS are met in a large family.....but not necessarily everything he would consider a need is met. We are able to let him be a loner and yet he is still learning social skills and how to interact with the whole gamut of personality types. LOL
Obviously, I'm going to go after the definition of "needs". I disagree that all children NEED their own room, their own iPod, their own car, a closet full of name brand clothes, their own whatever.....
I believe that the creator of my children knows EXACTLY what their true needs are and that He would not place them in our family if we couldn't meet those needs. He would not place within my child a need that would cause us to go bankrupt or compromise our convictions to fulfill the child's need. When there is a conflict, we look to see what the true need is and if it is one we can meet - or should meet. This boils down to trust in God. Trust in His plan for our family. Trust in His knowledge, love, and care for each of our children.
A recent example is that I strongly felt that my senior son NEEDED his father home to help him sort through all the looming decisions in his life. I felt that he NEEDED his father to be here for the completion of his time as a child in our home. God saw something different. I trust that God knows what He is doing in my child's life.
That said....we try very hard to get to know each one of our children individually. We make way for each other. When our loner needs to be alone - we all give him space. We may go to the park and give him the option to stay home, he may go for a walk.....you get the picture. Jamin gets up early to write, we all stay off the computers until he's done. Josiah hibernates on his bed to read, we stay out of the room. It's give and take.... lessons that will hold them well in life. Most of us end up with a family or roommate later in life.
I ALWAYS take at least one child with me on any errand. This is not because I get lonely. ::snort:: This is because I can then spend time alone with that child and get to know what he is thinking about one on one.
We have often made it a goal to take one child out on a special date with Mike and I every other week. That obviously isn't happening at the moment. {g}
Most importantly, we pray and fast for our children. We ask for wisdom to know what needs we are to be partnering with God to meet, and we ask God to be sure the individual needs of each child is met.
We have found the above statement to be a myth. God has graciously met all our needs in a large family.
I acknowledge that sadly in some large families this is not a myth....however, in some families much smaller than ours this is not a myth. I believe it comes down to how completely we embrace our role as parents and how earnestly we contend for our children in prayer....regardless of family size. I've sadly seen a child of one lost in his family.....and I've seen a child in a family of 7 lost as well.....
Strive to be a mother/father who is INVOLVED with your children...who is intentionally mentoring your children and hearing from GOD what needs to be worked in to each child He has entrusted into your care.
7 comments:
I needed to read this one. Thanks!
Wow, I needed this one too.
Hey, I really like your photo slideshow! I can tell you're missing Mike and Alaska:)
*Only* 3 1/2 or 4 months left right???
Hugs,
Jen in Az
I think also, for my family, there have been times when we couldn't meet our individual children's needs. This is something Eric and I struggled with before we decided to just trust God with our family size. We felt that with Isaac's issues, that bringing another child into our family wouldn't be fair to our kids. But what I've seen over the past 21 months since Isaac joined our family is that the temporary sacrifice allowed our children to grow in a way that couldn't have happened on it's own. They have so much compassion and concern for others that just wasn't there before. They also have a bond with Isaac that is much stronger than if he'd had been "normal".lol It has been a huge blessing to watch God work in each of my children through this difficult time. Now that things are alot less stressful than the first 18 months, I am back to dividing my time amongst them and trying to meet their needs as I can but I also charish what I learned during our most difficult times.
I loved your post because it, yet again, helped me to see all that God has accomplished, not only in me, but in my family. I would never wish hard times on anyone but if you allow them to, they can really be a time of great growth and learning. I guess that's how I'm learning to choose joy.
Blessings,
Lisa
I love your new slide show!
Diann
Thanks for this post! As you know I have been struggling terribly with the whole idea of thinking that adding the new kids has caused Bessie and Gabe to sacrifice and maybe it has, but it has been a good thing. I've seen so much growth in them and in myself...albeit a bit slower!
I always appreciate your wonderful perspective. Thank you so much sharing.
Wonderful post and yes I too found some things to ponder from your thought, like others have commented.
BTW love the slideshow, very cool!
Ya'all are welcome....it was sort of "off the cuff" and now I see lots that could have, should have been added...but oh well...they are supposed to be fun!
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